"And now, for the rest of the story..."

In light of the unfortunate misrepresentations and omissions contained in the recent April Fool's post, the Love Well blog has been temporarily commandeered by yours truly, Mr. Love Well, solely in the interest of preserving the integrity of the Love Well blog. Seriously.

The detrimental impact of the skewed re-telling of the April 1 story is clearly illustrated by such unwarranted and harsh statements as "cruel and cold" (Mocha with Linda) and "What a snot." (Tracey). Obviously the "hilarious" (Angie) and "INSPIRED" (The Preacher's Wife) comments were much more balanced and constructive. Seriously.

First and foremost, what was omitted from the post was the background and context of the catalyst for the moment of levity. You see, Mrs. Love Well had it a long-time coming. Seriously.

Let's rewind time back to July 1992, to the occasion of the first time Miss Love Well and I had the opportunity to have a conversation alone (albeit heavily one-sided: she talked while I paddled the canoe), before we even started dating. This is how she would have looked around that time:






















Do not let that sweet, innocent smile deceive you. Behind those beautiful eyes and contagious smile lurks a dark, sinister spirit of mischief. Seriously.

Judge for yourself:





















Look at that evil smile and the cunning look in her eyes! And can you trust anyone who wears collars of that size?!? Seriously.

Or this one:


There simply are no sufficient words in the human tongue...

Now where was I? Ah yes, July 1992. We were in the canoe, and while I was paddling (notice I didn't say "while we were paddling"), she haughtily pronounced this most audacious claim: "I'm a journalist! I can find out anything! You can't keep anything from me!" It should be noted here that was an exact quote. As a Vulcan my verbatim recollection of past conversations is admissible in a court of law as prima facie evidence. Seriously.

Well now, clearly that was a claim that was either to be challenged or proven! The gauntlet was not merely thrown, but slapped across my sweating face (I refer back to the lone paddling). So what was I to do but to test that incredible statement? Twice. Once while we were dating, which had inconclusive results and therefore necessitated the second time, which just coincidentally happened to be on April 1. Seriously.

The first test: early in our very lengthy two-month dating period, we were in my car as I was driving through an empty parking lot. Please note this was at night time, when my back-seat driver date was wide-awake (vis-a-vis the groggy morning comment from the Post in question). She pointed out that I had run a stop sign. I most patiently explained to her that as I had just moved from CA and had taken the MN driver's license test, I knew about a quietly passed law that relegated stop signs that were outlined with a white border to be equivalent to a yield. In other words, one needn't stop if there were no cars going the other way. Fascinated by this revelation, she pointed out that the next one, two, three - slap!

It should be pointed out here that Mrs. Love Well possesses above average intelligence, and thus this first test was concluded to be insufficiently stringent to test her magnificent claim. Plus, it took three stop signs before she caught on. Clearly a second test was necessary. Seriously.

For the second test, vulgarly referred to as an April Fool's prank, it had to be perfect to pass The Journalist's sniff test. Yet interestingly, this same Journalist omitted key elements in her re-telling. Elements that were so brilliant as to expose the fault lines in the audacious challenge.

First of all, yes, it was morning, but please note she was already awake before she received the now infamous call. Secondly, given the vast majority of scams are made by men, and women have a much higher likelihood to believe another woman over the phone, it should be noted that a woman introduced herself as Michelle to Mrs. Love Well - not a man named Larry. Thirdly, I would hardly insult my lovely bride by thinking that a mere assertion "your engine is going to blow up" would live up to her challenge. No, clearly it had to be more subtle. The real recall notice was that there was faulty wiring issues in the upgraded LSI 2.0 liter models (only the best for my beautiful wife), not the standard 1.8 liter engines. A couple of isolated incidents included a spark that caused fires to ignite in the engine, so as an overabundance of caution, the recall notice was issued.

For the record, Mrs. Love Well first screamed, then yelled "I hate you!" and then slammed the phone down. She called back, yelled "Don't come home tonight!" and then slammed the phone down again.

Now you see, the excoriating of the poor husband clearly was not necessary. A man must simply rise up to meet the challenges he encounters. Mrs. Love Well simply had it coming.

Thus ends the very lengthy hijacking of the Love Well site. Seriously.