Ten Months

Poor fourth baby. Kieran has been so neglected on the blog.

It's a dilemma of his own design. He keeps me SO BUSY, I never have a chance to sit down. (At least, not without him in my lap, which translates into me trying to type while simultaneously wrestling a baby octopus who's drunk 12 espressos.)

With that disclaimer ringing in your ears, I make the following announcement: Kieran is ten months old today.

It's staggering to me that, the more I try to slow time, the faster it seems to go. Knowing Kieran is my last baby, I have tried to savor these last ten months like nothing before. Yet here we are, just a few weeks after his birth, and he's a crawling, standing, cruising toddler-in-training.

A few notables:

At ten months, Kieran weighs almost 20 pounds. He stands 29 inches tall. He wears 12 month clothes, which puts him just ahead of his brother at this stage. (Check out Kieran and Connor wearing the same pajamas -- only seven years apart.)

He is a cuddle monster, especially with Mom and Dad. To set him down is to set him into a cauldron of torture. He despairs when Mom dares to move out of his line of vision. He continues to give the sloppiest, wettest, most intense kisses I've ever seen a baby give.
Given that he's mobile -- crawling, cruising, puling to a stand, trying to take his first steps -- it's not a surprise that he's into trouble. (Pictured here: shredding the mail.)

When he gets excited about something, he kicks his little feet like he's auditioning for Riverdance. He babbles constantly (mamamamama / dadadadadada / gigoh-gigoh-gigoh-gigoh). He delights in his siblings. He is curious about everything.

He is a horrible sleeper, preferring to nap in the car and spend nights tossing and turning with Mom and Dad. (You can't win 'em all.)

But oh my goodness. The joy. The unmitigated, unqualified joy.
I love this age. The whole world is filled with wonder.

Almost every night, when I'm nursing him to sleep, I sit and stroke his silky, dark hair and his chubby, pink cheeks and I inhale the Johnson's baby shampoo and cuddle the cozy fleece pajamas, and I try to memorize the feeling of his soft breathing and the feel of his warm body pressed next to mine. And my heart beats, "The last baby. The last baby. The last baby."

And it's OK.
It's right. The moment Kieran was born, the exact second I felt his tiny little body leaving mine, I had the most bittersweet feeling, a perfect mixture of gratitude and sorrow. It was my soul acknowledging that this season of childbearing is coming to a close. I'm moving to the next chapter of life. It has been so sweet, this decade of infants in my house. But it's also time for me to stop making babies and focus on raising children. I am unspeakably blessed with the four I have. I face this new season with a thankful heart.

But not yet. Because for the next two months, I still have a baby -- even if he's crawling away from me, drooling on the floor, trying to eat a wood chip he found next to the fireplace. (Hang on. Be right back.)

For a few more weeks, I still have a baby in my house.


  1. Sigh. Absolutely love this. He is adorable.

  2. He is PRECIOUS. I could nibble those cheeks all day long. I can soooooooo feel you on the nursing and the sweet breath and the smell of shampoo. I did that too. BUT, like I always tell my littlest boy - he's my baby and he always will be. Thankfully, at 31 months, he's still QUITE content to snuggle and coo along with me whenever I invite him to. Here's to babies in in our homes for at least a little while longer.

  3. It drives me crazy that, after all those years of nursing babies, carrying babies, caring for babies - it's like a dream. I can't remember how it felt. I thought I would; but it's as if all that happened to another person, or in another life. I miss it.

  4. He is so stinking cute. Seriously.

    Now about the rest of the post--what beautiful words you write. You capture so much that I feel too, except that I don't know if Benjamin is my last baby (although right now we think he is). And Ben is so easy and happy and not needy that I feel like these ten months have flown by and I've missed something. I wish that nursing had lasted longer for us, but weaning when we did made sense for our family at the time. He's sick right now, and while I hate it, I also love that he snuggles just a little bit more. That he needs me just a little bit more. So I give him what I can.

    Thanks for this post.

  5. I could've written so much of that about Chloe! I've been trying to write a 6-month post for her... but she'll be 7 months next week. Poor fourth kid. They're really similar - the snuggling, loving Mommy intensely, the sleeping... she doesn't have any jammies like Kieran's/Connor's though. And wow, those hardly look like the same jammies!

    But I stopped relating at the point when you said it's OK and it's right that he's your last. I thought I'd feel that way. I wanted to feel that way. But I do not feel that way. And yet... I have to. (No seriously... uh, we are "V"ery done.) (Adoption is not out of the question though.) It makes me sad! But reading your words is encouraging to me. I need to get there, to that place of contentment where you are. "But it's also time for me to stop making babies and focus on raising children. I am unspeakably blessed with the four I have. I face this new season with a thankful heart. " <---made me cry.

    So thanks, yet again, for writing the words I needed to read. Wish you were here to have a heart to heart in person. You know, with little octopus babies on our laps.

  6. He's so darling. I think every mama reading this heaved a deep sigh at your descriptions of Kieran.