Heffalump @ Love Well

So I'm 30 weeks pregnant now. And really, all things considered, I'm doing great.

It's just that -- I think I've turned into an elephant.

I don't walk. I lumber.

I don't move fast. I plod.

I don't stop quickly. It's not easy to halt this girth.

(Insert elephant trumpet sound here.)

When I get out of bed in the morning -- or, let's be honest, in the middle of the night to heed the siren call of the wild -- I puff and pant. My ligaments stretch and strain. My back muscles scream at me I struggle to right myself. My heart rate shoots up instantly. (Can walking to the bathroom constitute a strenuous workout?) I'm so front heavy, I'm developing a permanent swayback.


I also have to contend with a female child in my abdomen who is training for "Dancing with the Stars." (I think she has a particular liking for the mambo.) She jabs and rolls, kicks and turns. She is in constant movement, making my stomach heave and roll like an ocean storm.

And then there are the special effects pregnancy performs on my face. About three weeks ago, I looked like a "before" picture from one of those old Clearsil commercials. Remember? The one where the announcer draws a constellation on the face of the unsuspecting teen, connecting the red acne dots with a black marker? "The Big Dipper!" "The North Star!"

Yeah. That was me. Only I think I was sporting a small galaxy on my visage. It was ... beyond words. I could only grimace and bear it and remind myself that this, too, shall pass. (And thank you, Lord, for Proactiv!)

I comforted myself with the thought that this only confirms the old wives' tale that says you're having a girl if you're uglier pregnant than you are normally. Because I certainly don't glow much when I'm with child.

Unless you count the shine from the oil, and I really think that's only attractive to Exxon executives.

But she's worth it right?

Pregnancy is such a strange, mysterious, amazing thing. I keep reminding myself, "It's not everyday that you get to be a part of a miracle, girl. Suck it up. Your energy and smaller self will return. Someday, you'll be able to walk across the room again without having to stop and catch your breath. Someday, you won't have to hike up your pants every time you get out of a chair. Someday, you'll get to meet this little girl and all the inconveniences and annoyances of pregnancy will fade like a Minnesota fall."

Oh. And since God might have seen that I needed a physical reminder? My sister-in-law had her baby on Friday. Here's my brother, my sister-in-law and their new son.

Aren't they precious?


It's worth it. It's all worth it.

P.S. But could someone please invent some slip-on shoes that are suitable for winter in a northern climate? Because I almost passed out this morning when I had to tie my boot laces. Who can bend over that long, people? I have a baby where my lungs used to be.

That's all I'm saying.


  1. OK that does it. After having accounted for 90% of the page views on your blog without any comments, I shall finally break my silence.

    My dear Mrs. Love Well, the history of your posts and their corresponding comments give ample testament to your creativity, depth, humor (undoubtedly quirky at times), passion, phenomenal cooking/baking skills, and so forth.

    Having established that, I take offense at your calling my beautiful bride of nearly 15 years a "Heffalump!" Granted there is a bit more of you to love right now, you are showing forth a miracle of God's handiwork.

    Your comic aside, you are radiant - and you're partaking in the miracle of the artistry of my anxiously awaited daughter. Never have I loved you more! Never have I been more blessed!

    Yours forever,
    Mr. Love Well

  2. Your email made me laugh out loud. Your are such a funny writer! Given, I have seen you for a few months- I have seen you during your other pregnacies- and you are beautiful!

    I must say too- I LOVED Corey's comment above... His screen name also made me laugh out loud. :)

    I love you all and can't wait to see you in January.

  3. Oh, Kelly,
    I so remember those HUGE days, carrying my 3rd child (a girl!) and using the top of my gargantuan stomach as the perfect cup holder. I thought IT WOULD NEVER END.

    And now, 12 years later, my beautiful daughter's face still takes my breath away.

    Yes, it is worth it. In the meantime, save your back, your lungs and treat yourself... head over to L.L. Bean for some awesome winter-style slip-on shoes.

  4. There was not a day that went by that I was not grateful for the miracle of being pregnant...that a life was being formed inside my belly.

    I just wished they would have stopped making everything come UP from my stomach. :-)

  5. Methinks Mr. Love Well lives up to his name! :-)

    I well remember those "heffalump" days where I couldn't turn around in the shower without my belly sticking to the shower curtain! But oh so very worth it, you better believe it!

  6. Ok, your post was hilarious! I am a mother of 3, last one now being 9. But there are some things that stay with you forever (besides stretch marks) and that is the memory of each pregnancy. Each baby was different in the womb and out! But all that aside, I love the comment from Mr. Love Well. Too precious!!

  7. Great post...but the comment from Mr. Love Well was the best. :-)

    Responding to your comment on my post...I just tasted the bird and SERIOUSLY YOU MUST BRINE THIS YEAR!!!


    Happy Thanksgiving!

  8. Well-its been said over and over here and I must concur-you are so stinkin' cute prego!!! I could send you a pic of me when I was in such a state and it would make you feel so much better!! Seriously-I was a beached whale! Much love and how cute is the little video of her!?!

    By the way-I am back trying to keep up on my blog- ok-it really is fun!

  9. I read this the other day and got choked up and couldn't comment - that video of the ultrasound is amazing and so sweet. She's SMILING! That's beautiful.

    But... I'm glad I hadn't commented yet because I would've missed Mr. Love Well's comment. Hello!? That's pretty much the cutest thing I've read in a long time. It's a blessed woman whose husband treasures her like that... even during pregnancy!

  10. what a sweet comment from your husband!

    I was already swooning over the video of your baby (how neat is that!!) and then to read his sweet comments to you...

    Can I just say "awwwwwww"