Churned

Corey’s eyes met mine across a messy kitchen Sunday afternoon and I pointed to my heart and sighed.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice tinged with alarm.

“I feel churned,” I replied.

It’s an odd word to use to describe one’s condition.

But it’s the most fitting word I can find.

Lately, my heart rides the white water. I am pushed and pulled, slammed this way and that. Sometimes, it’s exhilarating. Sometimes, it’s frightening.

I trust my rafting guide. But he’s not known for taking the safe route, you know?

This past weekend, Corey and I attended the kick-off event for Orphan Sunday. It was an amazing evening, worship-fueled and laced with incredible stories of people loving crazy. I walked away brimming with hope after meeting so many determined to make a difference in the lives of orphans around the world. They have passion and a plan. Stories of adoptions, orphanages, food and water, love. These is the Church determined to not stand by while 18.5 million children fade into the background.

But then I got home from Colorado and read stories from friends in the trenches. Friends like Laura who writes about a girl who picks up a stone to defend herself, a child who has to grow old early, because she is an orphan. I wonder about all the children alone tonight, searching the skies, wondering if rescue is even something they dare believe in. I look into the soul of my own husband and see the scars.

The problem is so huge. It is beyond comprehension. The numbers stagger. And each numeral represents a story, a face, a name, an everlasting splendor.

You feel the churn with me, right?

I don’t know where this journey will take me. I am sitting in the raft, waiting for the green light to do my part. I have learned the importance of waiting on my rafting guide to give me the signal to act. Ultimately, this is His journey. I am only along for the ride.

In the meantime, I pray for the churning to change me.

Did your family or your church do something to mark Orphan Sunday yesterday? I'd love to hear about it. Tell me your story in the comments, or link back to a post you've written. I'll even make sure it gets back to my friends at the Christian Alliance for Orphans, the organization behind Orphan Sunday. I know they will be encouraged to hear how God moved yesterday.