Hey Buddy. Can You Spare Me Twenty Minutes?

All day long, I write in my head. I think of funny lines that belong in a post. (And sometimes, I laugh out loud. At myself. How pathetic is that?) I compose lead paragraphs that are compelling portraits of the deep thoughts currently occupying my mind. (And that could be anything from how much protein is in a hard-boiled egg -- 7 grams -- compared to my bowl of Kashi -- 13 grams -- to how the civil war is going in Gaza.) (I also can't stop thinking about how I would refute the logic of buying a camel instead of a car if I lived in Africa.) And that doesn't even touch on the memes I've been meaning to get to. (I'm working on it, Lisa!) On a typical day, I usually have anywhere from three to 13 posts circling around in my gray matter.

The key would be -- I need the time to actually get the witty repartee from up here to out there! How do I do that as a mom of two children who's looking for a place to move her brood come August and trying to keep my house spotless at the same time as it's on the market?!? Thoughts? Suggestions? Medications?

Complicating matters, I got a new cell phone last night. (It's right up there with Gaza, I tell you.) This is both a blessing -- because my old phone was treating my calls like a airline baggage handler treats luggage -- and a curse -- because now I have to learn how to operate a new phone.

For example, my phone rang for the first time while I was in the hotel shower this morning -- a horrible, jangling, musical thing. To say my children freaked out would be an understatement. ("Don't hit it, guys! It's Mommy's new phone!") So now I know I need to figure out how to change my ring tone.

I also hate the look of the blood red "I may be a vampire" wallpaper currently inside. And none of my speed dials were transferred over (although my contacts list was -- for a $10 fee -- and for that, I was grateful). So today, on top of everything else, I have to read a manual and figure out what the calendar button is for on my phone and what will happen if I try to access the Internet on my phone, even though I'm not paying for wireless access. ARGH!

Suddenly, I long for simpler times. Like when AOL was the only e-mail option ("You've got mail!"), and I had time to compose an original thought that didn't contain parentheses in every paragraph.

But hey. My new phone has a camera. Just imagine what you'll be subjected to soon!