I don't really like them at my house, owing to my love of sleep and the fact that we're already loaded with kids. And I don't really like them at other people's house, owing to my own experience at sleepovers. I watched movies I shouldn't have watched, played games I shouldn't have played, did things I shouldn't have done. For sure, the smaller sleepovers with my besties were innocent fun. But the bigger groups were loads o' trouble. (And don't even get started on this topic with Corey. If he had his way, our kids would never attend sleepovers at all. Ever. The end.)
Because of this, my older kids, ages 11 and 8, are just inching their way into the world of overnights. Long ago, we established 8 as the magic age when sleepovers were allowed. But even when Natalie hit the age of accountability, she wasn't eager to spend the night away from her family. Therefore, Natalie's sleepover birthday party extravaganza this year was only the second sleepover of her life. And Connor has only gone to one, and it was a sleepover with his best friend at his friend's house a few weeks ago.
Which brings us to last night.
Connor attended a sleepover birthday party of a school friend. (His second sleepover! He! Was! So! Excited!) (Also, maybe I offer this little tip? When your eight-year-old says he's packed for the sleepover, it's always wise to ask to see the contents of his bag. By doing this, I discovered Connor had packed a backpack full of toys for the party - no pajamas, no clothes, no clean underwear, no toothbrush. Oy.)
The plan was to go to a trampoline park, then head home for pizza, a movie and bed. I don't know this family very well, but I knew most of the other boys who were invited, which helped. And once I found out Connor's best friend was going, I relaxed even more.
But I didn't follow my gut instincts and call to check in with the mom after the initial RSVP. So it wasn't until I talked to another mom, who happens to be one of my dearest friends, that I heard the feature presentation for the evening was the movie "Jaws."
I almost flipped a gasket.
Connor is a sensitive soul. He's sweet and funny and imaginative, and maybe because of that, he's really disturbed by tension in movies. Until this year, we couldn't even watch most Disney movies in our home. The bad guys were just too scary for our children.
Showing "Jaws" to him would mean a year of nightmares. No. No! Not happening.
Thankfully, my friend who first heard the news had the same reaction. When asked, she gently told the sleepover mom that "Jaws" would probably be too disturbing for her eight-year-old, and if the birthday boy really wanted to see that movie at his party, her son could be picked up early instead of spending the night.
Good call. At press time, "Jaws" was off the party line-up. Hopefully, a more suitable choice for eight-year-old boys will be chosen.
But geez. Am I out of line here? Generally speaking, I'm more of a free-range parent than a helicopter parent. But handing over my child to a family I don't know well freaks me out. And we have years of sleepovers to go.
Cue the Jaws theme music.
You write...."And I don't really like them at other people's house, owing to my own experience at sleepovers. I watched movies I shouldn't have watched, played games I shouldn't have played, did things I shouldn't have done." Honest confession is good for the soul, even if it's 25 years late! :) I'm with Corey.
ReplyDeleteI am free range. Hubs is helicopter. Makes for some interesting dynamics. But on sleepovers we agree.
ReplyDeleteNot gonna happen.
And yes, we realize that others have them and we are OK with that for them, but for us, we know too much. Kids aren't abused by strangers. They are abusedby someone in positions of trust. So, we volunteer in all their activities and limit their time alone with those we do not know. We can't protect them forever, but for now, we can.
I still can't watch Jaws. My college used to have Jaws watch parties-they'd put rafts in the big indoor pool and show the movie on a big screen. Yeah, I skipped every year. I would have been traumatized!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was 8 or 9 I watched Gremlins at a sleepover party and it caused sleep problems for me for years. I was, and am, very sensitive to violence or anything scary in movies. And now I'm a freak about insisting I know every movie my kids see, especially when they're away from me. We've had to create some pretty strict rules with my 13-year old because many of the kids at her school are watching movies like The Hangover (seriously).
My husband wants to send my girls off to every sleep over opportunity that exists, because he doesn't want them afraid to spend the night away from home. So maybe they can go to camp someday. I, on the other hand, am not interested in sleepovers AT ALL. I drop my kid off for who knows what, and get a crabby, sleep deprived kid back the next day. No thanks. I think I'll eventually let it go enough for 1-2 person sleepovers, but these 10 girl things are going to be on the banned list for a long time.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm...I guess it's really all about how well you know the hosting family! You can ask tough questions, make suggestions without worry of offending anyone, and take a 2am call a bit easier if there's an urgent pick up request. ; )
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure I really spent the night over at someone's house who wasn't a church friend until I was in HS. The raciest thing I watched was GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN. And ya know what? I had a movie party for my 35th birthday this year and we watched it there, too! ; )
That's a classic.
DeleteWe have done the 'late night' thing before for slumber parties. Pick em up around 10.
ReplyDeleteMy friend showed Titanic to her daughter's friend's at their sleepover. They were 8. (Insert retching noise here)I remember watching Friday the 13th when I was about 12. That and Jaws seem very tame by today's standards.
My friend is a therapist who deals with lots of sexual abuse victims and has therefore banned sleepovers for her daughters. Hm.
I would love to say NO SLEEPOVERS! but the fact is, if you lived closer, I would WANT my kids to sleepover at your house. I really want my kids to have other awesome adults in their lives that are available and accessible. And other times, sleepovers are necessary, like, say, when you pick up a kid from Africa or something.
So I guess my point is, rare and special and SCREENED.
Titanic??? Naked drawing??? Folks drowning?? Ship capsizing?? Dang.
Delete*when you pick up a kid from Africa and need people at home to watch your other kids
ReplyDeleteWe hate sleepovers too. For years we banned them, but for the last 2 years, my son is allowed to sleep at our neighbors and their son is allowed to sleep at our house, but only once in a while. My daughter went to one sleepover. She had a blast and wants one for her birthday. I am torn. I remember what fun I had at sleepovers and I want my kids to have fun too. I just want to keep them safe.
ReplyDelete~FringeGirl
Kelly - You know how my kids do at sleepovers. Abigail is the only one who has even made an attempt - barely (1 and 1/2 times)... I'm not a huge fan, so I screen the families heavily with my own super-crazy analysis. (You should feel really good now!) If I am not 100% sure about movies and computer-supervision - I ask - and have. Luke would have called to come home if Jaws was shown...if I got out of the driveway without him in the first place. I had sleepovers as a girl and they were regrettable. I guard my kids purity like a hawk...because it is next to impossible to mend that tear. Love you, Jill
ReplyDeleteI agree with Corey. I'm not a fan of the sleepover, and I don't believe it's a necessary rite of passage in childhood. Do what feels right to you as the parent of your children.
ReplyDeleteI've never been a fan of sleepovers either--even (or especially!) the ones at my house. I've kind of downplayed them, and my girls have never gone to many. (I don't think they like them either.) I always told my girls that they could call me ANY time they felt uncomfortable, and one time my oldest did that. She was in 6th grade, new school with new friends, and went to a girl's house who we didn't know well. She called around 10 to say that they were going to watch a movie she didn't feel good about, so I headed right out and picked her up. I think the phone was still dangling from the cord when I squeeled out of the driveway. :)
ReplyDeleteYou control freak! Kidding...
ReplyDeleteSort of ;)
Miss you,
MCC
NOT a fan of sleepovers either--especially during the school year. Our alternative is the "almost-over" (I got that lingo from Family Fun magazine years ago). Kids come over and stay until 9ish (later for my older kids) at which time their parents pick them up. We usually do dinner, dessert, and let them play. Sometimes we'll let them watch a movie, but I'm pretty careful what I show other people's children and I always try to clear it with parents ahead of time. Then everyone goes home and sleeps in their own bed--WIN WIN!
ReplyDeleteJaws???!!!! noooooo!!!!!! I tell my children, "it's important what you let into your mind, because you can't unsee something". I'm hoping this will serve them well when they are old enough to decide what movies to watch for themselves. I would've had the same reaction.
ReplyDeleteIn defense of Jaws, it's pretty exciting, but I am 38, not 8. Confession: sometime in the permissive late '70's/early '80's, while my parents were enjoying dinner upstairs at the Officers' Club where we were stationed in Kitzigen, Germany, I, aged 6, snuck downstairs to the basement where they showed movies, crouched behind rows of adults and watched both Jaws and Alien. I was nervous in the bathtub for weeks, and I can never get that scene from Alien out of my mind(I think you know the one. Blech!). Anyway, fine films, but not for youngsters!
ReplyDeleteAll I have to say is: Hold your ground.
ReplyDeleteOh my..........this is unusual for me (we are usually the super strict ones :) but we allowed our kids to spend the night at a good friend's house. Our kids are 6,4, almost 3 and their kids are 7, 5, 4, 2. Everyone had a blast! But I am thinking that might not qualify as a sleepover? Our families are close and spend a lot of time together - they kept all the kids since it was our anniversary. They know our policies on movies, food, etc. I trust them implicitly......now a random school sleepover? Hmmm.....probably not.
ReplyDeleteWe had a similar experience last week--a neighbor girl invited my daughter and another neighbor boy to watch a movie---which upon questioning was PG-13 and not kid appropriate at all for 8 and 9 year olds. My daughter was NOT happy I told her she couldn't watch it. But thankfully the other neighbor told her son no too, which eased my daughter's pain. I remember calling my mom one time from a sleepover because they were watching a movie I knew I wasn't supposed to be. She came to pick me up and I was so relieved!
ReplyDeleteWe've done plenty of sleepovers, but ONLY at ones where we know the parents. At ones where it is just kids from school and we don't know the parents, my kids went to the party and came home at bedtime.
ReplyDeleteHere's one sorta funny thing. My son was friends with a boy and his parents (who were Christians but went to a different church and denomination) were separated. His friend invited him to spend the night with him at his dad's apartment. I didn't really know the dad, but I was paranoid about a dad alone with my son (and his), so I said no. I would have let him if it had been at the mom's (he was probably 9 or 10). Several years later, I found out that the reason the couple divorced was because the MOM had had an affair!
But the bottom line is follow your gut instinct, which sometimes is also the Holy Spirit. You know your kids. And sometimes if something seems off, it is -- even if there isn't a clear-cut reason you can give.
DeleteOhhhh sleepovers! We've not gone there. The girls have asked multiple times (by multiple I mean dozens and dozens and dozens!), but we just can't do it. My own memories combined with complete distrust of the other parents (and sometimes their kids and their siblings!!) equals a firm NO. I think it's BECAUSE we know the parents of the girls who our girls want to spend the night with, they'll never get to do it. We're really struggling with knowing how to curtail this friendship (AND they're neighbors, to complicate things!), and it's not with a sleepover.
ReplyDeleteIt's never the kids of our good friends that our girls want to have sleepovers with. Maybe if they asked we'd say yes! But... maybe not. ;)
JAWS?! Yikes. Earlier this year Emma was invited to a movie party where they were going to watch Back to the Future. Gary and I thought it inappropriate for 7-8 year olds, so we said she couldn't go. She was the #1 person on the guest list, so they changed it for her sake. I was glad, but really!
I am no fan of sleepovers. My oldest son was allowed to have one for his 9th birthday maybe? It was such a fiasco that I told him he forever ruined all chances for his brothers :) He's 18 now and we haven't had a large scale sleepover since. I never liked them going to others' houses either, still don't, particularly in this age of google. Thus we are making our boys into our hermit image but I'm ok with that! Ha!
ReplyDeleteWe do sleepovers with families we know well. Period. And we don't do them nearly as often as some families. And, happily, we are moving out of the sleepover years. I have a rule--if school is in session, bedtime is 11. That is awfully early for some families on a friday, but I had to deal with the aftermath later. During summer and holidays, I am more relaxed. All this, and I haven't minded sleepovers--at least when it's only one child. ;)
ReplyDelete