The Secret to Date Night

Corey and I struggle to schedule regular dates. Nursing babies make it difficult to sneak away for any length of time, and paying quality babysitters to watch four kids while we go out gets expensive. (You know it's bad when you pay more for child care than you do for dinner.)

(And yes, I know if we found a 14-year-old to watch the kids, we could probably pay less. But we have FOUR KIDS ages 0 to 9, which is the Mount Everest of babysitting. Our babysitters are all college graduates who can handle the chaos that is our family. We pay them accordingly.)

But one of my goals for this year is to go on a date with my husband once a month, minimum. We are starting to emerge from the infancy haze (which we've essentially been in since 2008 -- two babies in four years will do that), and we are desperate to reconnect and reinvest in our marriage.

So. Date night. It's a reality at Chez Love Well once again.

But here's the thing. Date night rarely used to end well. Our kids don't go to bed easily for other people, so we usually just tried to get home by bed time. But by then, the kids were overstimulated and hyper. By the time we wrapped up good-byes to our sweet babysitters, got through the bedtime routine and restored order to the house, Corey and I were exhausted. It was nice to have a break for a few hours -- but it felt like there was an extra high price tag attached.

So a couple of months ago, it occurred to me -- who said date night has to be at night? What if we planned a date morning? Or a date afternoon?

Bah-bing! Light-bulb moment! I can't believe it took me almost 10 years to figure this out.

So for the past few months, Corey and I have gone for our dates from 2:00 in the afternoon to about 7:00 in the evening. It enables us to do something (usually run errands without the kids -- last month was Home Depot, woo-hoo!) and then to catch an early dinner before heading home in time to put the kids to bed before they've hit the metaphorical wall. Bonus? Eating dinner at 5:00 makes it easy to score reservations at nice restaurants, even last minute, and we often catch the back-half of happy hour, when appetizers and drinks are half price.

It was been wonderful to reconnect with Corey, even in this small way. Our relationship has intentionally been on the back burner for the past few years; I think it's just a reality that goes with birthin' and raising' young ones.

But next week (NEXT WEEK!), Kieran will turn one. I think I see a light at the end of the tunnel, and it is my husband.

Date afternoon? You are awesome.

12 comments:

  1. date nights just became mandatory for us as well. i'm sure we can relate on a number of experiences! :)

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  2. I still have a little one nursing and we have had to get creative as well. (Not to mention he is a total momma's boy and doesn't take to being without me, even if he isn't hungry).

    We try to do a "real" date night once a month and every Friday night is "fake" date night. We eat a very late lunch, one of us does all the baths and bedtime routines while the other does all the evening cleanup and prep for the next morning.
    As soon as those little heads hit the pillow, we eat a late dinner of take out chinese food, open a bottle of wine and maybe watch a movie. It is a few stressful hours around bedtime but it is well worth it. It doesn't really cost anything extra and it is something to look forward to every week.

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  3. Wonderful - I love your solution! When we have a nursing baby & can't or don't want to go out, we often put the kids down & have a 'picnic' or subs or even just homemade pizza in our room, watching TV & relaxing together in bed. But it is nice to get out sometimes, too, and I love the afternoon idea!!

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  4. That is a brilliant idea! And how has it already been a year???

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  5. Really, that is a fabulous idea! I think we could even swing it on the same afternoon we have counseling (wouldn't that be a weird connection) except that my parents (our babysitters) always have to leave for my dad's choir practice and other nights of the week don't work for counseling. Darn.

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  6. Love it! I seem to have more energy for afternoon dates, too - plus it's nice to pay a babysitter for actually being with our kids instead of hanging out at our house after they've gone to sleep!

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  7. That's so great, Kelly! Thinking outside the box has benefits. I think I might swipe this idea. It's hard when kids are small to find time and people you trust. I'm nursing Teddy, so that effects what we do. He WILL NOT take bottles. Silly guy. So we are limited to 3-4 hours away, tops. He's 8 months.

    Our almost-14yo daughter babysits for other families, but I can't leave her alone with our younger kids. Ironic. I do leave her with a few of the kids when I run to the store or on other quick errands, taking the others with me.

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  8. That's so great, Kelly! Thinking outside the box has benefits. I think I might swipe this idea. It's hard when kids are small to find time and people you trust. I'm nursing Teddy, so that effects what we do. He WILL NOT take bottles. Silly guy. So we are limited to 3-4 hours away, tops. He's 8 months.

    Our almost-14yo daughter babysits for other families, but I can't leave her alone with our younger kids. Ironic. I do leave her with a few of the kids when I run to the store or on other quick errands, taking the others with me.

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  9. Fantastic idea!! I am a nursing mother of one right now. I feel like I will never be able to slip away again! Trying to enjoy every second though. One day, though... one day.

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  10. Good for you guys! In December I arranged to start trading care with two other couples so that we can get out once a month as well. We take turns watching kids and get a few hours to ourselves. It really is nice to be together, even if it's just mundane things like errands (because seriously, they are SO MUCH FASTER without all the carseats and pacifiers and treats and hassle).

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  11. That is quite brilliant! We have the same struggle...mostly the paying for childcare part! And these days, even $$ for a date is scarce. I'll have to keep that midday date in mind.

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  12. Kelly, that is awesome! We are definitely feeling the effects of no date night around here - my little one is seven months old, and I nurse exclusively so it's difficult finding that chunk of time to just concentrate on us. But once we emerge from this stage of life, I'm going to remember this tip. :)

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